I just found this website ryanthomasspeaks it’s a young guy who is speaking about his experiences as a child of parental alienation.
He has a bunch of videos that speak about his experiences. His alienation started when he was 8 and he has reunited with his father…so it is a success story. I have found that I relish hearing success stories…it is one of the many ways I have found to cope with PA.
At times, it can be so disheartening and it feels like there is nothing you can do to help the situation….it becomes a hopeless cause on some days–at least it does for me. The constant second guessing, the constant questioning, the wondering and worry. Never knowing if I should be doing more, or doing less, or what else can I do to help this situation.
I am always looking for answers and help from others who have experience with PA (I have found that those who haven’t experienced don’t get it–and their advice can be harmful not helpful)…I figure the more information I have and the more tactics I can employ to keep myself in my sons life the better off we will both be in the long run. It all comes down to how I can express my unconditional love for my son in a way that he can feel it.
Our kids are in the middle of a horror story. They are not able to be themselves, they have to shut down so much of what they feel in order to be “loved” by the Alienating Parent and their possy (AP’s). They cannot ask questions, they cannot express any positive feelings for you, they have to toe the Alienators line….and most of know how that works, because we were once in the position of toeing the alienators line…when we stopped they took our kids….so there are our children in the midst of an impossible situation…that we have to somehow find a way to make better for them…with the game plan always changing and no knowledge of whats happening, that becomes an impossible situation for us…yet we must continue to try.
The one thing I have gleaned from all the reading and research I have done, is that our kids see us trying and they truly appreciate it. They see it for what it is, our trying helps mitigate the effects of PA…in the long term. In the short term, how we play this game can be devastating to both our long term goal of reunification and our short term goal of making it better for the kids. for example–going to court to get our visitation time….this is a double edged sword–yes we deserve our time, but going to court threatens the AP who then starts in on the children about how horrible we are–making the child feel worse and therefore pushing us farther away to alleviate the feelings of pain associated with us…so what have we gained? nothing really.
We need to be the parent that makes our kids feel better–but how do we do that when we never see them, or see them very infrequently….therein lies the crux of the issue. We are in a complete no win situation or a Hobsons Choice as my father would say.
This breeds all kinds of uncomfortable feelings and thoughts and a certain sense of hopelessness–when nothing we do seems to make a difference…or the whole two steps forward then 5 steps back….it is an unending thankless game that we never seem to be winning at. So I find that listening to other peoples stories, and hearing about adult children really helps me stick to my guns and provides me with some much needed moral support to keep on keepin’ on.
I will try to share as many of these as I can with you, but please feel free to send me any links you have to other people who are speaking out and have either made progress or are making headway. I would love to hear more success stories.